
waking up to a state
of stateless
statehood
nameless
is a daily
reminder
of our affairs
even my poetry
is not safe from the
dispossession
of our form.
lh
sept 2022
A Brown Girl's Journey in Activism, Art & Self-Love
waking up to a state
of stateless
statehood
nameless
is a daily
reminder
of our affairs
even my poetry
is not safe from the
dispossession
of our form.
lh
sept 2022
she is woman,
giver of life
custodian of verses that
offer strawberries
to the shrinking landscape
of her womanhood
she was a body
of land
her wound,
a world
split
wide
open
by the excavation
of the sacred ground
beneath her feet
she is what becomes
of broken
totem poles and railway tracks
witness, i am
to
stolen
sisters
in towns that sleep
at daybreak
a red dress,
lynched and
hung
in the arms of
oak wood branches
the cotton fabric
of her frame
hugged by the wind
next of kin
fall heir
to the fires left
behind
and calls to justice
abandoned,
decay into cinder
and dust
folding starlight and lullabies
of salvation
into rib cages
that house guts of
strength
and the resilience
of the
departed
she is remembered for
being strong
when all she’s ever wanted
to be is
soft
let her be soft.
– dedicated to missing and murder indigenous women and girls and their loved ones
lh
may 2022
rest in power shireen abu akleh
what will these walls speak
when it braces
for the endless scream
in the breaking
news?
they feared her armed presence:
a camera
and the voice of a
generation
someone wrote:
“they won’t let us bury her,
they fear the earth
will revolt”
if the truth had a tongue,
this is what it would say
because
our land is fertile,
its fruit cyanide
our flag,
wreaths on caskets
of the deceased
beware your fate,
the world is rumbling
awake
your era of tyranny
is ending
and it is near.
lh
may 2022
letters to palestine
salute youth
martyrs
and the mantras
of concrete children
see them twist
midair
escaping snipers
and rubber bullets
fistfuls of stone
clenched between playground
scars and lifetime
sentences
their words compare
lucid visions
mightier than
the pull of earth’s
orbit
here,
the artist’s fate is
always,
prison
invoke
fieldnotes of a
catastrophe,
normalized
last time i checked,
there was nothing normal
about occupation
break the news
the same way we break
bread
fiercely
and urgently,
we are coming out of hiding
from the attic’s cell
upstairs
along with the archives
of our collective
memory.
– for my uncle, wallid al-hallis
lh
apr 2022
mornings in jenin
among the almond trees
elders recite
psalms to
us
under besieged
skies
that rob us
of our holiest
days
communion
in this place
is being denied entry
on easter morning
and breaking fast
on tear gas
from dawn to sunset
clutching the whiplash
of shattered kneecaps
and lacerated
organs
yet
every year,
like clockwork
something like
a resurgence,
a resurrection,
a rebirth,
of jesus’s
second coming
we continue to resist
on the scales
of lifetimes.
lh
apr 2022
the day war came
i folded
into a million pieces
as
europe
took up arms
to defend her homeland
becoming the sorrow
found in every note
in a playlist
awaiting the apocalypse
the day war came
i folded
into a million pieces
more
becoming the rage
found in every immigrant
whose motherland was once
invaded
raped
and pillaged
by foreign policy
in places where
mud is fertile
enough to fetishize
the glow of dark skin
dancing at the threshold
of orientalism
and military occupation
western imperialism
rearing its
ugly head
now tell stories
littered with double standards
in the grips of lessons
familiar
to the psyches
of my
people
notice the silence
between sentences
and in long gazes
it’s full of answers,
hear the breaking of clouds
before the thunder
claps
notice the pretense
in words
hoodwinked,
something hopeful
or patriotic
certain struggles
are worthy of fanfare
and heroism
these are the hands
that carry
a new world order
into clear skies
the same hands
that lift ashes into mouths
used to being fed
lies and conspiracies
i was 7 when
9/11
happened
growing up,
words like terrorist
and uncivilized
sprang across screens
in every home
as america waged
her holy wars
on foreign lands
and peoples
felt deserving of death
and destruction
while the earth slept,
we traveled
traversing makeshift borders:
into damascus
beirut
and
the west bank
over the entrails of
kabul
transgressing boundaries:
into the belly of
baghdad
once
the cradle of
the world’s civilization
call us what we carry
inheriting the war
and traumas
that crossed a bridge
as it trembled
and drowned us at sea
holding skeletons
and secrets
i would never say
but would rather sing
refugees
gaze at the ocean
in search of home
eat salt
learning to breathe
in luminous waters
be warned
the ticket to safety
will be your proximity to whiteness
the tabloids say
this tidal wave of migrants
is different,
this time
they are clean,
prosperous,
educated,
middle-class folk
don’t worry
they are not from
the middle east
not black or brown
dirty or violent
and certainly not,
disposable
they will not steal your jobs
or raid your homes
they are
just. like. us.
freedom,
now
looks like
strapping a bomb
to your chest
and declaring your kinsman:
a
brave
hero
he died for
his country
martyrdom
looks different depending on
where you come from
what you look like
and
who you worship
today,
allies of the world
welcome boycott
divestment
and sanctions
against the sworn enemy
sending their troops
and missiles
and well wishes
but none for saigon
cape town
or the ira
the day war came
pleas of scorched suns
summoned omens
of sacred covenants
rupturing treaties
and two-state solutions
wondering,
whatever happened
to the dead and
their portraits?
one of these days
when lilacs bloom
between cracks of doorways
and regimes
i will unlock the cage
for all to witness
soothe wings that take off
into radioactive turmoil
bones will crow
but at least,
what you have heard
is true
we are coming
to take back what is
rightfully ours
and we’ll rise in the sky
together
free,
at last.
lh
mar 2022
his anger
reflects
all the times
he wanted to
weep
but
couldn’t
heaving enough
hot air
to beat himself
into oblivion
he carries it
close
like a companion
of the hard seasons
that rages
on
until his fists
pound all
the walls
and broken mirrors,
he owns
and
her pupils
soften into streams
her face
now,
a ghost town
mapped and abandoned
along her
cheek bones
calling a wolf
a wolf
is not enough
to stop
this house
from burning down
it’s already
engulfed in the debris
of his destruction
and
boyhood
wounds
nothing hurts
here
anymore
at least,
in darkness
we can pretend
do not go
gentle into the
nights
when she is angry
at the sun
for not setting
to extinguish
the fury of her days
and writes poems
that make grown men
cry.
lh
nov 2021
this one’s for all the times
i’ve ever been told
it was never personal
they’re just like that
that it was all in my head
a vivid imagination
against my own better
judgement
that i’m just too sensitive
or overthinking it
i’m sure they didn’t mean
what they said
the good news
is that these flash burns
on my skin
from your gaslight
are starting to heal
but it’s still happening
and no
it’s not all in my head
and yes, it is personal
some call it islamophobia
others call it hatred
or bigotry
but i don’t care
what you call it
because
for me
it’s
1.
staring down
the barrel of a makeshift gun
made of trigger fingers
from a passing vehicle
a violent gesture
with a cautionary tale
that says
i’d rather have you dead
than to see you alive
2.
it’s the pickup truck
barrelling down the road
towards us
as we scurry across
barely making it to safety
his middle finger waving
warning
3.
it’s creeping shadows
that follow
our every footstep
during our evening stroll
harassing stalker
greets us
with bible thumping
verbal venom
4.
it’s taking one glance
at me
and assuming that my name
won’t fit the contours of your mouth
this shade too dark
this clothing too veiled
this face too foreign
my presence too much
for you
to comprehend
how this muslim body
could be volunteering
her time
at this soup kitchen
and still i disintegrate
crumbling into a hollow shell
before those very words
5.
it’s the vandalized brick walls
of family businesses
and defaced exteriors
of our masjids
an act to intimidate
to strike terror in hearts
that beat on
an ugly reminder that
we do not
belong here
6.
it’s—
ma’am,
you’ve been “randomly” selected
for a secondary screening
follow me
and i follow
7.
it’s quebec city
and christchurch
and chapel hill
it’s deah
yusor
and razan
it’s 6 dead
it’s 51 dead
it’s 3 generations
dead
i remember exactly where i was
that one fateful night
ran downstairs in a panic
saw my brothers
my father
my uncles
on the evening news
and touched their faces
to make sure
they were still here
8.
it’s
opportunist politicians
offering their thoughts
and prayers
when all i see
are crocodile tears
and class a theatrics
the irony is not
lost on me
they are part of the
problem too
yet they won’t even
leave us in peace
to grieve our dead
9.
it’s
what’s the word for
not feeling safe in your own home?
it’s
i found the word
but what difference does it make?
10.
it’s
i’ve lost count at this point
but honestly,
i was never really good with numbers
anyway.
lh
june 2021
this soil is drenched in blood
that runs across highways of tears
and scorched pavements
beneath the trenches of this land
hear the whimpers of an ailing mother earth
her children
their bodies discovered
by dragging knuckles
across unmarked mass graves
dousing gasoline on flames and traumas
that devour smoke
and entire nations
like a furnace
piercing shrieks
rumble partition walls
thundering,
between shriving pews
that hold pages of gospel
pressed between the blood-stained hands
of priests
and rosary beads
bear witness to the bones
and scattered ashes
the silence
there’s nothing your half-mast symbolisms will do
to reconcile the wreckage
you’ve unleashed on young spirits
i hear them calling
hushed whispers
asking to come home
if the root of oppression is the loss of memory
then is remembrance the threshold to justice?
an open door
towards a mosaic of truths
a balm for healing
a tender loving softness
against these hardened plastered walls
built on genocide and theft
oh, little ones
you deserve more than
empty apologies
and hollow promises
you deserve more than
candlelit vigils and teddy bears
you deserve to be seen
to have your names and stories released
from these secret shrines
to finally put to rest everything that has ever hurt you
you deserve justice
we will keep fighting
for you.
dedicated to residential school survivors and their families
lh
june 2021
today is not a poem
woke up feeling guilty for resting my head on the pillow
as gaza laid her children to rest
i remember their faces
their names scattered in a sea of stars and survivors
they came to me in my sleep last night
pleading:
we are hurting
we are afraid
we are tired
today is not a holiday
donned my mother’s taub and keffiyeh on my shoulders
as haifa and ‘akkā wrapped white linen
around the limbs of lynched bodies
to contain what’s left in the lasting rupture
between flesh and blood,
still warm
between occupied and occupier
between past and present
or rather,
between what was and what has become
today is not a celebration
spoke with my uncle
prayed for his safety before wishing him eid mubarak
told me that death came knocking
but fled as soon as it arrived
he reminded me of memories we once shared
as if nostalgia can somehow erase the goodbyes in his voice
i wanted to say i love you
but couldn’t find the words
instead, i said:
i miss you amu
please take care amu
we will be reunited again someday inshallah
amu
what’s the equivalent translation of love
for a people that have a long-lasting affair
with poets and hopeless romantics
anyway?
i read somewhere once
that when a body carries a trauma
not yet metabolized
it learns that to love bares an attachment
not ready for loss
catches on the tongue
slicing it in half
twisted,
i’m sorry for not being better when i had the chance
today is not a feast
ate kahk that tasted bitter
as our fingertips
curious and penetrating,
scrolled through our news feeds
sprinkled powdered sugar
until it resembled the tops of snow-capped mountains
purged guilt and bile and confessions of an exiled mind
digesting the pleasure of sweetness
is a privilege my body cannot seem to bear
today is not a ceasefire
it is a liberation movement, uninterrupted
sheikh jarrah was once every city’s worst nightmare
resistance is greater than this iron fist
it also looks like jerusalem
she was dancing colours and patterns
children twirling in laughter and joyful bliss
all around her
a defiant hum
something like a hopeful melody
sung
from the tops of the minaret speakers
of al aqsa:
we are an uprising,
multiplied
we are an exodus,
returning
we are an ode to the people,
singular and united
we will never leave
we are here to stay
we are here
we are
we. are.
lh
may 2021
on most nights
if you listen close enough
you can hear the echoes of the last words of the unarmed
whose names reverberate the chants of movements
that mattered long before they were cool
i stand on the shoulders of giants and freedom fighters
from bds to black lives matter
born of legacies before my time:
civil rights, decolonization and anti-imperialist struggle
are the reasons we kneel
we bow
prostrating
before god
we the people
from ferguson to gaza
south africa to kashmir
take up our grief in the streets
light the establishment on fire with our fury
shout prayers into the night skies
wage a holy war against a system that claims to serve and protect
the
people
over profits
has always been profits
over people
you say they’re just a few bad apples
but how could that be
when one is known to spoil the bunch
and the rotten fruit kills
don’t be deceived
you see
george zimmerman, darren wilson, and amy cooper
were deliberately placed there
like a perfect game of chess
strategic and intricate in design
to keep the emmett tills and trayvon martins of this world in their place
i can’t breathe
birthed a national slogan
in legacy and death
say his name
no justice, no peace
#ericgarner
left for dead on the scorching pavement in july
fo(u)r hours
hands up, don’t shoot
say his name
no justice, no peace
#mikebrown
failing to signal
is not a death sentence
but apparently sleeping in your home is
say her name
no justice, no peace
#sandrabland
#breonnataylor
mental illness is not a crime
and a child’s imagination
wielding nothing but creative playtime energy
is not a threat
say his name
no justice, no peace
#abdirahmanabdi
#tamirrice
if taking a knee
makes you a patriot
then what does it make you when you kneel for…
8 minutes and 47 seconds
on our necks?
#georgefloyd
takes the world by storm
all smoke and mirrors,
no fire this time
say his name
no justice, no peace
more than 2000 still missing and murdered
never forget
#tinafontaine was only fifteen
verdict of yet another white, male assailant: not guilty
say their names
no justice, no peace
#nomorestolensisters
there is no just-is
when the ahed tamimis stand defiant
against the unwelcomed presence of idf soldiers
at the doorsteps of their homes
brave and steadfast
feet planted, palms shaking
they strike blows in the face of zionist invasion
and resist the plunder of their birthright to exist
i once heard that real justice is what love looks like in public
it’s #rachelcorrie
rising from the rubble in rafah
her memory bigger than
a fleeting moment
of solidarity
before the bulldozer that demolished homes
and dreams
and the barrier between two worlds
the privileged, the american
and the underclass
the occupied
the marginalized
she knew this well
before she died,
she wrote:
“i have a home.
i am allowed to go see the ocean”
spineless political class of the 1%
lie to us between their teeth
with clenched fists behind their backs
and media moguls spin a narrative
where muslim is synonymous with terrorist
black with criminal
mexican with illegal
our protesting becomes looting
and they claim israeli airstrikes are in self defence
against hamas rockets
we are the collateral damage
that no one cares to fit into sound bites
memorializing through hashtags
will not bring them back
whiteness reigns supreme
claims colour blindness as alibi
while bombs rain down on baghdad
and chokeholds tighten around the hearts of childless mothers everywhere
on most nights
when i shut my eyes tight
transported into the belly of the underworld
i imagine
an alternate universe
where the echoes of the last words of the unarmed
reverberate a promise
handwritten from the future
sealed and signed
by working class poets, artists, thinkers and healers
whisper,
we’ve already won.
lh
sept 2020 / feb 2021
Understanding settler colonialism and so-called ‘Indigenous issues’ (which are only ‘issues’ because of settler colonialism, so it’s more accurately a settler colonial issue) are necessary to understanding justice in this place currently known as Canada. Being Canadian also allows us to better understand our sense of belonging, our rights and responsibilities, and how we come to define ourselves, both individually and as a nation. It is an integral part of who we are. But the truth is, this part of who we are, is founded on genocidal violence against Indigenous people. Canada was built on unapologetic colonialism. The centuries-long expansion of European imperial powers like England and France directed the coercion, domination and ethnic cleansing of Indigenous communities to make room for newcomers. Today, Canada only really exists because European colonizers seized Indigenous peoples’ land, killed Indigenous people who lived on that land (so that they could have it), and, then, when that didn’t entirely work, efforts to ‘kill the Indian, to save the man’ resulted in the complete destruction of Indigenous cultures and ways of life. European colonizers resorted to every last means possible to remove Indigenous people from their land so that they could own and exploit it for their very own benefit. This, in short, is Canada’s shameful history – and learning of its legacy helps us to recognize just how colonization has and continues to affect us today. So, if I am interested in contributing to a place that is safe and inclusive for all, then this fundamentally involves the need to grapple with and fight for a way to end the ongoing colonialism that is Canada. That is, if there is a settler colonial problem that is hindering peace, I am interested in ending the settler colonial problem. This process, however, is not only the mere grappling with reconciliation, but is one that recognizes that the problem of settler colonialism, and the terrible violence it inherently brings on Indigenous people, is ongoing. Settler colonial violence underpins the very way in which Canada operates as a nation today. The objective of removing Indigenous people from the land so that settlers may exploit it is still very much part of our national fabric.
We see this in the ways in which Indigenous women, girls, Two Spirit and Trans people are made missing and murdered. More land is being seized by large corporations in Alberta and British Colombia for the creation of pipelines, like Kinder Morgan, resulting in worsening health and environmental conditions. Large bodies of water are being polluted with oil and harsh chemicals, poisoning vital sources for clean drinking water and food. Harsh living conditions on reserves are a driver behind chronic illness and poor health, under a health care system that is largely inaccessible and underfunded. Unemployment rates are the highest they’ve ever been. The education system fails to support Indigenous youth, as more and more are being pushed out each year. Indigenous youth suffer tremendously with mental health issues, leading to alarmingly high suicide rates. Indigenous men and boys are overrepresented in Canada’s prison system and detention centres. The legacy of residential schools has ensued in a vicious cycle of intergenerational trauma, whereby problems of domestic abuse, addiction, homelessness, and alcoholism are pervasive. Indigenous children are forcibly being ‘scooped’ up and placed into the ‘care’ of the government. Most recently, verdicts in the murder trials of Colten Boushie (22) and Tina Fontaine (15) have failed the Indigenous community once again. In the past month, both case have acquitted their murderers, claiming innocence to their crimes. In the aftermath of such injustices, many will often say that the criminal justice system and other major institutions are broken. But the fact is that they were designed to carry out the very outcomes we see today. While these current events are often invisible points of colonial neglect and violence in the Canadian political imaginary, settler colonial violence is a normalized, daily part of Indigenous peoples’ lives in Canada. Especially as Canadians gathered this past summer to celebrate 150 years of the nation, with a central theme of ‘reconciliation’, we must be able to disrupt the national myth-making of Canada as a peaceful, multicultural nation for all. For many, the celebration of Canada 150 was nothing more than a moment to mourn the ongoing years of colonial violence and to recommit supporting Indigenous sovereignty as central to resisting colonial violence. This colonial violence, and our complicity within it, is something that all Canadians need to understand. You do not need to be Indigenous to do this work, and doing this necessary work doesn’t make you Indigenous. Everyone has a role to play in ending the violence that has marked 150 years since Canada’s formation.
But to completely honour our commitment to embracing a spirit of truth and reconciliation in this country, this process of negotiation further calls on us to assess our own complicity in upholding and perpetuating colonialism, and to examine whether our ideals truly help or hinder Indigenous movements. The term “settler” refers to anyone who is not Indigenous living on Indigenous lands. It means not just long-dead ancestors, but any non-Indigenous person who continues to benefit from the colonial seizure of land from its original inhabitants. I too am interested in invoking an anti-colonial conceptualization of the term “settler”; one that not only recognizes non-Indigenous complicity in Canada’s ongoing colonial project, but that also stands in solidarity with the decolonization projects of Indigenous people. There’s an identity binary that exists in which I believe further limits our scope in effectively contesting the question of settlement: that is, the binary of white settlers vs. the Indigenous peoples of Canada. As a person of colour, who was born and raised in Canada, I often wonder, where do I and other people of colour fit into this equation? Are we innocent just because we are people of colour and do not have a relationship of conquest to this land? Is our relationship to First Peoples colonial? Well, the truth is, whether you are white or a person of colour is irrelevant. Neither identity negates your status as a settler. Unless you are First Nations, Métis, or Inuit, you are a settler, and so am I. We are all settlers. This may be difficult to accept, but it’s necessary nevertheless. Especially as a Palestinian woman, I cannot deny my settler identity. My people too have a history with settler colonialism; one rooted in a Zionist movement claiming birthright to our land. Palestine today is still under illegal occupation and apartheid by the state of Israel, and has been since 1948. As a young boy, my father had to face the daily presence of tanks and heavily armed soldiers on his way to school. The constant imagery of force, acts of violence, and genocide was very much the norm. He witnessed the destruction and shelling of homes, schools, and hospitals and tragically lost friends, neighbours, and classmates to bombings and sniper attacks. Tight border controls restrict the free flow of goods, and the movement of bodies anywhere. My mother, also hailing from the same reality, lived in exile all her life. To this day, they still speak of the injustices they faced, noting great emphasis on being denied the basic right to living a safe and dignified life, free of violence and discrimination. Both my parents originally hail from Gaza. In 1987, my father, still a teenager at the time, left home to seek refuge someplace else. He ended up coming to Canada, my mother joining him shortly thereafter. This is the entry point to my family’s origin story. This is how I come to understand myself and the relationship I have with the land. Denial is not the way forward. Love and solidarity with my Indigenous sisters and brothers is a choice I make every day because it’s the only way. This is our collective struggle, and I honour it by doing my part to challenge colonial oppression and state-sanctioned violence imposed on Indigenous people here and abroad. If I, as a Palestinian, can do that, then there’s absolutely no reason why the rest of us cannot.
I often hear people of colour with leftist political views claim that “our relation to this land is different.” How is this difference lived differently by communities of colour? On the one hand, many of us are fighting for justice in the name of being Canadians. We stand in various anti-racist events claiming our rights as Canadians. On the other hand, we also attempt to distance ourselves from white settlers, claiming innocence. We say that we are coming from other post-colonies that have also fallen victim to the direct contact of European colonization and American imperialism. Even when we do identify that we are settlers here, there is no sense of urgency for us to organize with Indigenous people and nations. I call on us then to not only question where we are coming from, but also to consider the place we have come to. What does citizenship mean for racialized people in a white-settler-colony? What does it mean when we demand our citizenship rights, which are rights entrenched in white supremacy, dispossession, and the genocide of Aboriginal people? For example, when Muslims today (including myself) protest and organize against legislation like the Anti-Terrorism Act, do we also draw parallels to how the Indian Act still works to subjugate Indigenous people? Do we even consider the long history that Indigenous activists and community organizers have had with being labelled as terrorists? Do we ask ourselves why Indigeneity and urbanity are mutually exclusive? If we think that we people of colour have a right to be here, then where do we think people of native nations belong? To clarify: this is not to imply that we share the same power as white settlers, or that race, class, gender, and citizenship do not define where and how bodies are organized in Canada. Yet a conversation still needs to be had about the ways we come to organize against racism and colonialism. We need to discuss what it looks like, which means that we must be able to carefully map out strategies for doing this work. People like me who have the privilege of mobility, and have the resources and platform, and whose status is not as tenuous as that of refugees, should definitely engage in serious political action. Whether we first came to this land as freed slaves, refugees, or under the racist policies of the Immigration Act, we are all here now, and we benefit from the settlement process. We need to reimagine and rework our anti-racist efforts in ways that do not continue the erasure of Indigenous communities. We need to stop paying mere lip service to Indigenous sovereignty and recognize that the forces that dehumanize us as racialized people are the same forces that continue the genocide of Indigenous peoples. We need to stop being defensive when we are told that we need to be more critical of how we are working for Indigenous sovereignty in our organizing. If these important negotiations and discussions do not happen in the organizing of all settlers, then there can be no real fight against the racial and colonial violence that this country was built on. To self-identity as a settler rather than as a Canadian does not necessarily negate the rights and benefits of citizenship that settlers have come to accrue as a result of settler colonialism. But mobilizing all settlers to become aware of the ways in which their settler privileges are anything but natural and well deserved can constitute a first step in supporting Indigenous activism against settler domination.
Photo: Nicole Brumley
Rally for Tina Fountaine, Toronto